Never before could i fathom the effect that putting thoughts into words gives you. Amusing it is that when the heart gets heavy, when the world looks dark, this black-and-white sight of an unmindful scribbling can help you get back your colors!!!

What if ???!!!!!

One question which in its two words holds the power of all th possible imaginations, dreams, curiosity... Just two words but they clearly say that the world that we see is not all... there is a wider, a deeper world full of possibilities. But its gates would open only when we start chanting these words "What if ???"

isn't it all worth it???

First a disclaimer- the thought is not entirely my own… but the moment I read this, it pulled some string somewhere and these words started flowing. As usual I am in no mood to rein them in, so writing this.

We often are afraid to fall in love, we think that these attachments bring with them a lot of sorrow, tears and heartache; at least I have always felt so. And so I believed, it is better to keep a safe distance from any emotion of this sort. But a simple book questioned this belief of mine. Won’t give the verbatim thing, but my version of the same (you might want to read the book yourself).

Suppose I meet a stranger. I like him and for once ask this over-protective brain of mine to shut up, and fall in love with him. He, a person with twinkling eyes which remind me of a starry night. We spend some wonderful time together, with me smiling every time I look into his eyes. And then one day, we have to part. It is tough, I feel devastated; I cry and feel that not letting me get into this would have been the wiser thing to do. And then I notice something. From then on, every night when the stars shine, to the whole world they are just the shiny objects in the sky. But for me they are the eyes which make my heart skip a beat. As time passes, the pain subsides and the stars remind me of the time when I thought I was the happiest person on earth. While to everyone else, they are insignificant objects far off in the sky; to me they bring a smile. Isn’t that something I should be thankful to the person about- for giving me a new reason to smile?

True, love does bring tears, but isn’t it all worth it???

Btw, the book is titled "The Little Prince"

A beautiful mind…

Noticed someone and spent hours pondering over a question- does our mind play games to deceive us, or do we play games to deceive our mind?

He was always aloof, full of questions, searching for something. He had really strong likes and dislikes. Valued certain things, considered some completely useless. Suddenly I see him trying to change himself, doing things that are unlike him. Why, I wondered???!!!

A closer look revealed a complete different picture. I see him snapping all ties- ties which he now proclaims were unimportant. I try to fit the pieces of this puzzle together. If I know him even a little bit, I would say that if this breaking of bonds had no meaning, he would have never done this. The people involved might be insignificant, but the action does have a meaning.

Is he planning to end his search and involve himself in the more mundane events, or was he so haunted by his own questions that he is trying to shut them up, building a façade which appears more “normal”? What is he doing, trying to tell his mind that although he has easily snapped so many ties, he is not getting inside any closure; he is in fact now doing things which all others around him love doing.

Would his mind be so easily deceived? Does he realize that the outer shell that he has built still has some gaps from where his true self tries to peep out? Does he realize that the shell is just a make-believe cover to the complex being that is getting more complicated day-by-day? It will break some day and the person emerging would be even more difficult to handle than the one who exists today. Why is he running away from the reality?

But there is something else that worries me more. What if the shell never breaks? What if the façade becomes a fact? What if he loses himself trying to be one of the other so-called normal persons? I hope he doesn’t.

We are a brave people

We are a brave people. Try as hard as you can, we won’t be budged. Nine blasts in Bangalore, and you think that we will get panicked and our lives will come to a stand-still. No dear, we are strong.

How proud we are of this strength of ours. We keep saying these things, hearing these things. I remember listening to a reporter on TV after the Mumbai blasts that the brave city was still on its toes and what not.

But is it bravery or insensitivity? I agree that to get panic-stricken is not a solution, but is being unconcerned is? TV channels pouring news about blasts and we catch a glimpse of it while rushing for our next class. Someone got a little more engrossed and shouted “Oh shit, got late, will lose an attendance”. An attendance versus nine blasts in your neighborhood!
Are we brave, or are we just too detached from others। I am fine, my family, my friends all are fine- once I ensure that I get back to my daily chores. Could I have acted equally “courageously” had a friend of mine been one of the unlucky ones?

Oh yes, I know I have spent too long in thinking and writing this and have to work on a submission. After all I, too, am brave.

It’s my life… Is it???

I was walking down a road, met a person looked at him and moved on. I was walking on down a road, met a person said hello and asked him the way to the post office. I was walking down a road, met a person talked to him, exchanged numbers and are friends till date. We, the two people involved in each case, are the ones who decide what that meeting would result in. But who decides that we meet in the first place? I could have chosen some different road to walk, some different time to travel. But both of us happened to be in the same place at the same time. Was this a part of some pattern?

In my college there are close friends, casual friends and acquaintances. A and I became friends because we happened to be in the same section, B because we had adjacent rooms, C because we joined the same club. I never got to talk to X because we were in different sections, in different hostel blocks- none of which we chose ourselves. And I thought it was I who was choosing my friends. The fact is that this predecided script was given to me just to act upon.

I am introduced to someone. In two meetings we fall in love and in two months time we get married; and I think I chose my life partner. Who decided our first meeting?

We claim to have control over every thing in our lives. If we go just a few steps back we would realize that we had nothing to do in the decision-making process. The path was laid down well before we started walking on it. How could I have walked on the path if it was not built? We can’t even decide who does and doesn’t become a part of our lives, let alone the more complicated issues. Trying to assume that we do have some freedom to decide, life can at max be considered a multiple choice question- I can maybe choose one out of the four given options, but cannot write an answer of my own.

Nostalgia

Was flipping through the pages of an album. There were so many pictures of me with my dearest friends. I was in school at that time. We were a group of seven. “Hum saat saath hain”- we always proudly proclaimed. We were so happy together that we never needed anyone else. Others at school were jealous of us, and we laughed at them. That was the time of innocent love without any conditions. Somehow we thought that never ever would we part- used to talk so much about future- together.

Kids, we were. And very soon reality dawned. We all went to college- all in different parts of the country. We missed each other a lot, used to start planning the summer break together right from the end of the winter break. Thought that, although just twice a year, but we would always keep meeting, keep laughing together.

Still kids, hmmm… Today, three of us are married. So busy with the family that even chats have started becoming rare. Two of us are pursuing our master’s degrees- completely caught with the college schedules. Well, we do meet, but never all of us at the same time, at the same place. We talk about the days that were- the fun, the carefree moments, the wild pranks and the stupid yet sweet vision of future. But one thing we all have been lucky about- we all are happy wherever we are. The days of the past do bring with themselves nostalgia, but also a smile. We were happy with each other; we are happy about each other :) .

perceptions

“People alter their memories to make them fit their perceptions” – Scott Adams

When I read this first, it seemed a little weird. Altering memories to fit my perceptions??? I always thought that the relationship was the other way round- that my memories determined what perceptions I had. But with some deeper thought, it started making some sense.

Altering the memory – I am not very sure about, but “selective retention”- that for sure does happen. Say for instance, I like this friend of mine. He obviously is no divine soul and does certain things that are good and some that are not so good (see, I am biased right here in not using the word “bad”). Anyways, I might dislike the “not so good” acts of his, but after some time, provided I still like him, would somehow forget about them and simply give him the credit for the good ones. Selective retention!!!

Let us take a slightly different, but a more common example. Let’s say I dislike this person, and you ask me my view about him. I will tell you all that I feel is wrong about him and will easily come up with numerous instances when he was not good to me or to someone else. Does this mean that I have never ever seen him doing any good deed? Selective retention again!!! I prefer to forget such events and keep only those in my memories which suit my perceptions.

Want more??? How many times have we almost forgotten the wrongs that we “accidently” did and not that the other one did to us? Or the pinching comments that we made and covered up with “I didn’t mean to hurt you” and not that came to us wrapped up in a similar fashion?

So it is not what I have experienced that forms my view about this world around me; it is rather my view that determines what I choose to call my experiences. Remember the old saying “aap bhale to jag bhala”.

People don’t turn you down… only expectations do

“People don’t turn you down… only expectations do”, had heard it a long time back. But even today incidents and experience continue to validate this and show me that how simply this one sentence has put together the crux of all that we call a “relationship”.

Any relationship- howsoever important or unimportant we might consider it- brings with itself a bundle of expectations- to both the sides, of course. Slowly, its ingredients like companionship and bonding lose their value and what remains is a long list of “should do’s” and “should not do’s”. The moment any of these is not fulfilled, we feel devastated. We proclaim that the relationship has lost its value or charm. All the beautiful things become clouded by the “should have done’s” and “should not have done’s”. But a surprising and often ignored thing is that the fulfillment of these expectations does not necessarily have the opposite effect. We expect something of some person and he does it- it generally goes unnoticed! We never jump with joy for that, we don’t even acknowledge it. Whereas just let that person do otherwise and…

Then isn’t it better that we simply do away with this thing called “expectation” before entering into a relationship and just enjoy whichever way the wind blows. Easier said than done… and maybe not even that right a thing to do either. Maybe relationships are meant to be that way. Even a small child goes to sleep after being fed, but cries the hell out if the feed is slightly delayed. Maybe expectations just have to be there.

Is there a way out then? The only one that I can see is to be able to separate the person and MY expectations from him. If something unfavorable does happen, I need to understand that I was turned down on what I had expected or wanted the other person to do and not what he ever told me he would. This is the only way, I see, a relationship can handle the pressure of expectations.

Two arguments...

A recent talk with a friend left me pondering about something that I always thought was obvious- who decides how I use my intellect (assuming that I have some!!!)? If I have the capability to think and imagine, what use should it be put to?

The discussion led to two strikingly different views- one that said that the decision is completely personal and the other that said that seemingly personal decision is also bound by some social ties.

Let’s assume that I am a thinker and like researching on some topic that happens to be of minimal importance to the society. I have the ability to sit and ponder over such an abstract and complex issue. This means that I definitely have the ability to think about the more worldly issues.

Knowing that the society I live in is still in need of the solutions to its day-to-day problems, that a number of people around me are more in need of the basic primary education, that there are numerous problems about poverty, education and health in our society, I should rather use my energies in trying to figure out a solution to some of these problems, rather than getting into the mysteries of nature, which to a great probability I would never solve. I am bound by a duty to work for those people around me who were not fortunate enough to reach the level where I am and are right now struggling hard to get their next meal. Is it justified that rather than thinking about them, I worry about the black holes up there in the sky??? Had Gandhi continued working as a barrister, we would have not been independent; he would have not been a Mahatma.

And then there is another view.

If designing a telescope for looking at that far off star interests me more than designing an education system for my society, why shouldn’t I do it? It is true that the education system would do more good to the society than the telescope, but does it mean that I am bound to do that. Shakespeare wrote great plays, proving that he had a high emotional quotient. Would he have rather been a social worker than a writer? NO. If forced to do so, he probably would have not been any good; he would have probably reached a mental block and would have been just another man doing something he didn’t want to and not doing what he desperately wanted to. His decision of pursuing what he liked the most and not what the society wanted the most made him a legend and resulted in the beautiful creations that we even after so many years cannot help praising. So why not let everyone do what he or she wants to and allow the collective effect of all these acts move the society.

Two arguments- equally strong- but one has to be wrong. Which one???

A call to that “I” within

This is a review of the book "Anthem" by Ayn Rand. Had written this a Term1 course submission... today thought why not post it???
By the way this is one one of my favorite books (not just because of its size) by my favorite author.

We are… We think… We live…
Our body… Our soul… Our life…

What would my life be if this is how it was to be described? With the word “I” lost, would die all that is within me- my power, my strength, my wisdom, the meaning of my life. These are the thoughts that have been haunting my mind since I read “Anthem”.

Written by the novelist and philosopher Ayn Rand, Anthem is a dystopian fiction taking place in some unspecified future date when mankind has entered another “dark age” after some great war where the collectivists won over the individualists. Through this novel, she has tried to depict what would happen in a society sans individual rights, a society where there is no “I”, just one great “We”. Like her other works such as- The Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged etc, Anthem too depicts the struggle between “individualism” and “collectivism”. Anthem has a different style of writing compared to her other works. It is shorter - is often referred to as a novella rather than a novel, and has a parable-like quality. It is written in the form of a dairy entry by the protagonist. The novel is no longer under copyright in the US. In other countries its copyright status is dependent upon the rule of shorter term.

Ayn Rand is best known for her philosophy of “Objectivism” and her writings emphasize the concept of objective reality. She was a staunch defender of individual rights and a proponent of Laissez Faire capitalism. She believed that the state should take a merely defensive role by protecting the liberty of each individual to act as he or she wishes to, as long as he or she doesn’t infringe upon the same liberty of another. She considered man a “heroic being” with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life and productive achievement as his noblest activity. In her words “Man – every man – is an end in himself, not the means to the end of others.”

Anthem starts with the protagonist sitting in a tunnel and writing a diary entry. The first thing one notices is that he refers to himself as “We”, the second thing - his name – rather his label. Our protagonist is called “Equality 7-2521”. This label, like that for all others, is written on an iron bracelet that he wears. The society he lives in is controlled by the will of the Councils which work for “the good of all brothers”. It is a society where all men are treated as equals – absolute equals. When a child is born, he is sent to the House of the Infants just like all others, where he lives till the age of five. Thereafter he is sent to the House of the Students. When he is fifteen, the Council of Vocations assigns him a job which he does till the age of forty. By then he is already worn out and is, as such, sent to the House of the Useless.

This society was born when “many” won over the “few”. After this “Great Rebirth”, people lost all the knowledge, inventions and discoveries of the past, since they were unable to keep what they had not earned. Theirs is more of a primitive society with the latest invention being the candle which was invented only a hundred years ago. When Equality 7-2521, through a series of secret experiments discovers electricity and presents it before the Council of Scholars as a gift to the society, they call this a crime and try to destroy it. They had many justifications for this decision - it would ruin the Department of Candles, would change the lives of so many people, would disturb the stability (read stagnation) of the society. But the real reason was their doctrine that “Everything that comes from the many is good… Everything that comes from one is evil”. What advancement or innovation can take place with man’s individuality strangulated, with no door left open for his creativity? The society can take not a step forward. This reminds me of what Milton Friedman says in his “Capitalism and Freedom” about Newton and Leibnitz, Shakespeare and Milton, Edison and Ford, that “their achievements were the product of individual genius, of strongly held minority views, of a social climate permitting variety and diversity” and not “in response to a majority directive of a parliament”.

Our protagonist is guilty of other things too. He falls in love with Liberty 5-3000, thus committing the transgression of preference. One of my favorite sequences in the book is when the girl tries to express her feelings to him but is unable to, for “We love you” is all that she can say. She feels helpless and frustrated. A simple expression of love made impossible by the absence of one word! I am tempted to quote Howard Roark’s words here – “To say 'I love you' one must first know how to say the 'I'” (The Fountainhead).

The story continues with their search for this word, their search for individuality, and their transformation from Equality 7-2521 and Liberty 5-3000 to Prometheus and Gaea. Prometheus finally declares that "I owe nothing to my brothers, nor do I gather debts from them. I ask none to live for me, nor do I live for any others." He realizes that his self love can never be detrimental to the society; it would rather benefit the same. To me it seems that he somehow realized the truth in Adam Smith’s words that man “by pursuing his own interest frequently promotes that of society more effectively than when he really intends to promote it”. He also realizes that one cannot love everyone, for one honors men with love, and honor is a thing to be earned.

The book leaves an impact on the reader’s mind more ways than one. You find yourself walking with your head held high. You start respecting yourself, believing in yourself, and start cherishing this “I”, and what’s more, you love this change. Ayn Rand is a master when it comes to depicting deep and powerful ideas with ease. She makes you question the oft-repeated bromides about altruism, self-sacrifice, equality of all, and the likes. What is society but a collection of individuals? Then how can one try creating a society by killing these individuals? What should be the role of the government? To what extent should the state be allowed to take decisions on the part of the citizens? Self sacrifice – preached by one and all – what meaning does it have when there is no “self”? And. Above all, is sacrificing one’s self a virtue or a sin? Questions like these and numerous others will change the way you look at the world, the way you look at yourself. The book succeeds in fulfilling its intended purpose.

Anthem is the story of a man’s quest for himself, his existence, his freedom, his ability to say “I will it”. It is the story of a man’s quest for his EGO.

Ripples in my mind

My first blog… Feels strange that I have decided to put my thoughts in writing and publish them on web for anyone and everyone to see. But I am assuming that not many would be interested in reading these random thoughts of mine, so this makes me safe. Moreover, as of now, not many people know about this blog of mine. J

I remember deciding to write diary once. But one day I saw someone reading it, and that was the last day my diary heard from me. After so many years I am again seeing my thoughts taking the form of words in front of me- the form which will grant them some permanence.

What are thoughts, by the way? I have always liked the idea of comparing thoughts with the ripples in water. Imagine a pond- tranquil and peaceful. Just then from somewhere a stone falls into it, and ripples appear- strong and powerful at first and getting faded with time. Similar is the case with our mind. As the serenity of our mind is ruptured by a disturbance of some sort, thoughts appear, and if left to themselves, they fade away and die. Just like ripples, they need a consistent source of disturbance in order to stay alive. I don’t know why people say that they need solitude in order to think. Thoughts can’t survive solitude. They need that stimulation to come to life and other thoughts in order to grow.

So from now on, wherever my mind encounters a disturbance of any sort, these ripples appear in my mind, and I feel that they would soon die because there is no other mind where I can find similar ripples to keep alive mine, I will pen down my thoughts. I will try to give them some permanence. Someday my mind might just find one with similar ripples and we would then be a source of energy for each other.

Till then, this is where I freeze time…