“People don’t turn you down… only expectations do”, had heard it a long time back. But even today incidents and experience continue to validate this and show me that how simply this one sentence has put together the crux of all that we call a “relationship”.
Any relationship- howsoever important or unimportant we might consider it- brings with itself a bundle of expectations- to both the sides, of course. Slowly, its ingredients like companionship and bonding lose their value and what remains is a long list of “should do’s” and “should not do’s”. The moment any of these is not fulfilled, we feel devastated. We proclaim that the relationship has lost its value or charm. All the beautiful things become clouded by the “should have done’s” and “should not have done’s”. But a surprising and often ignored thing is that the fulfillment of these expectations does not necessarily have the opposite effect. We expect something of some person and he does it- it generally goes unnoticed! We never jump with joy for that, we don’t even acknowledge it. Whereas just let that person do otherwise and…
Then isn’t it better that we simply do away with this thing called “expectation” before entering into a relationship and just enjoy whichever way the wind blows. Easier said than done… and maybe not even that right a thing to do either. Maybe relationships are meant to be that way. Even a small child goes to sleep after being fed, but cries the hell out if the feed is slightly delayed. Maybe expectations just have to be there.
Is there a way out then? The only one that I can see is to be able to separate the person and MY expectations from him. If something unfavorable does happen, I need to understand that I was turned down on what I had expected or wanted the other person to do and not what he ever told me he would. This is the only way, I see, a relationship can handle the pressure of expectations.
Any relationship- howsoever important or unimportant we might consider it- brings with itself a bundle of expectations- to both the sides, of course. Slowly, its ingredients like companionship and bonding lose their value and what remains is a long list of “should do’s” and “should not do’s”. The moment any of these is not fulfilled, we feel devastated. We proclaim that the relationship has lost its value or charm. All the beautiful things become clouded by the “should have done’s” and “should not have done’s”. But a surprising and often ignored thing is that the fulfillment of these expectations does not necessarily have the opposite effect. We expect something of some person and he does it- it generally goes unnoticed! We never jump with joy for that, we don’t even acknowledge it. Whereas just let that person do otherwise and…
Then isn’t it better that we simply do away with this thing called “expectation” before entering into a relationship and just enjoy whichever way the wind blows. Easier said than done… and maybe not even that right a thing to do either. Maybe relationships are meant to be that way. Even a small child goes to sleep after being fed, but cries the hell out if the feed is slightly delayed. Maybe expectations just have to be there.
Is there a way out then? The only one that I can see is to be able to separate the person and MY expectations from him. If something unfavorable does happen, I need to understand that I was turned down on what I had expected or wanted the other person to do and not what he ever told me he would. This is the only way, I see, a relationship can handle the pressure of expectations.
